Drinking Your Life Away Video Contest

Judge Don Jamieson says:

First off let me say, the best part of judging this contest was getting to listen to this song 4 times in a row…while drinking of course! I will use my experience as a survivor of the most recent Nashville Pussy tour across Canada to judge each video while nursing a throbbing liver. Who else can say that Blaine burped in their face and got a contact “drunk?” With that in mind, I rated each video on a scale of 1-10 Jack Daniels shots.

Video 1
This video featured a couple of crusty dudes and chicks doing shots, chugging brews and even some coke – not the kind that mixes with Jack Daniels (at least not in the same glass). These are clearly professional drinkers. Beers were being opened with their teeth, a pair of Vans, a hammer and even a black dildo. Naturally, this all led to a plushie threesome which is very had to find on YouPorn (a friend told me)!
There’s even some cool daredevil drinking stunts like the double beer chug and a waterfall chug from the rooftop, these party animals are like the Evel Knievel of alcoholism. I give it 9 Jack Daniels shots.

Video 2
This one opens with an ice cold shower beer and eventually devolves into a 2 person frat party faster than you can say “date rape.” Tons of beer, shots of Jack & Jim mixed together and an old-school business in the front, party in the back mullet for the ages.
Color me wasted but I’d definitely love to rage with Drunk Joel and the gang in the Lost Time Lounge sometime. I give it 8 Jack Daniels shots.

Video 3
This video starts with an old-timey silent film-era opening which is appropriate for the cinema of cirrhosis that follows. These booze hounds would make Lemmy proud. The protagonist is a drunken cyclops puppet who drinks, tokes and snorts his way into a blackout state. If this were an actual motion picture I’d have to give it an NC-17 rating for it’s depiction of drunken puppet sex and satanic cocaine worship.
On top of everything there’s some great live footage of the band from a live show in France. Mix this all together in Blaine’s drinking hat and I give it 10 Jack Daniels shots.

Video 4
This video also included some dope live NP footage and plenty of drinking but I couldn’t help think I was looking through someone’s vacation photos for most of it. There are also several thinly-veiled references of violence towards comedian Doug Stanhope (the original contest judge). Apparently these intoxicated hit men know where he lives and I’m afraid of what their devious, booze-addled minds might be planning. So like any responsible, functioning alcoholic, I’ve cranked down a 6-pack and notified the FBI.
That said, I give this one 7 Jack Daniels shots pending a full investigation. Thank you Nashville Pussy for letting me judge this prestigious contest and for taking me on tour. I had so many great times with you guys. Someday I hope I can remember them!

Don Jamieson
comedian, unemployed tv host, friend of beer

The winners are:
AUDIENCE CHOICE!!
IRWIN McSEAM

CRITICS CHOICE!!
HAMILTON POTEMKINE